i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
