does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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