Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
