I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I supernannyed him into submission
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
