She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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