just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
