She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize