I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
