help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
