i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
