thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
