he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We left the knife in your bed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
