I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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