I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
