I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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