I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
