Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
