I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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