if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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