On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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