i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
