I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
