I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
