We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
