I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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