I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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