I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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