i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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