Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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