My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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