dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
