My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
