i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
