Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
