well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
