this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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