I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
