Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
