so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The best revenge is premature balding
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
whose parrot is this?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
