Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
