Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
