i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
