I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
