Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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