He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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