so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
someone owes me an orgasm
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
