I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
