come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
