ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
