There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
