Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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