I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
MIDGETS
????
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
