Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
