Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
