I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
