Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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